Conversations with My Cat: More Dinner Please

Norma:  Excuse me?  Ahem, excuse me?

Me:  Yes, I see you sitting there by your bowl.  The answer is no.

Norma:  I don't think you understand.  The bowl is empty.  There is no food in this bowl.

Me:  Right.  You ate it all.

Norma:  And now I would like some more food please.  Meow.

Me: I'm not giving you any more food tonight.

Norma:  But, meow.

Me:  Remember how I said I thought you were getting fat?  And then my mom came over and said she thought you were getting fat?  And then my brother and sister-in-law came over and said that you're getting fat?

Norma:  That's irrelevant.  The point is, I'm hungry.

Me:  I'm sorry about that.  I shouldn't have been feeding you so much.  But it's the New Year, and we're cutting back.

Norma:  ... We?

Me:  And by we, I mean you.

Norma:  So, food?

Me:  No more food tonight.  Sorry, kitty.  It's for your health.  I wish you could understand.

Norma:  Ok.  Well, if I pee on your face while you're sleeping tonight, I hope you understand.