knock on that

Sparkly with a chance of cornbread

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 05:17:00 +0000

Food elimination diet so far has produced no reliable effect, with respect to the visual snow or anything else for that matter. So that's the update, in case you were wondering.

I have been playing around with a kickass recipe for gluten-free, minimal dairy cornbread, adapted from here:

1 c. gluten-free flour blend / rice flour
3/4 c. cornmeal
2 1/2 tsp. baking soda
3/4 tsp. salt
2 tsp. maple sugar (or regular sugar)
1/4 c. butter, melted
2 eggs, beaten
1 c. almond milk / rice milk / soy milk / regular milk
Optional:
1 c. chopped veggies (I like bell pepper and zucchini) or berries (raspberries!)

Preheat oven to 400F. Combine dry ingredients in one bowl, and wet ingredients in another. If adding veggies or berries, add those to the wet first. Then combine wet and dry ingredients. Spread in 8" square pan, or drop by spoonful into muffin cups. Bake approx. 15 minutes.

I usually make a batch or double batch of these on the weekend and stash them in the freezer to reheat in the toaster oven during the week. Also, I don't measure my chopped vegetables, just eyeball and toss 'em in. But I think it comes out to about a cup or a little more.

Sight, food, mystery

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 15:52:00 +0000

If you didn't already know, I have psychedelic* vision. Visual snow is the best description I've found. There are some pretty good illustrations here, although a lot of these also include depictions of floaters and the blue-field entoptic phenomenon, both of which have a clear physiological explanation. There's no great explanation for visual snow, and no treatment.

It's often labeled / diagnosed as a form of ocular migraine or migraine aura. But since it's a persistent condition that generally has no relationship to other migraine symptoms, and isn't generally responsive to migraine medication, I think the diagnostic label ends up being more for the physician's peace of mind than anything else

All of this is really background information, because what I really want to talk about is food.

In my latest effort to combat the visual snow, I went to a naturopath to get tested for food sensitivities. After two MRIs, a CT scan, an electroencephalogram, and multiple ophthalmological exams, it's pretty clear that there's no structural or electrical abnormality in my brain or my eyes that would be causing this. I've also tried chiropracty and acupuncture, with no effect.

I like food. I like to eat, and I like to cook. I think nutrition is interesting. I try to eat sustainably raised and minimally processed food, although I'd been pretty lazy about it in the past year. And I know that there are a ton of people out there who have eliminated something from their diet (gluten, eggs, soy, whatever) with life-changing effect. So I was pretty stoked to get my results back this week.

It turns out, based on the lab results, that I do have one strong food sensitivity: red beans.

Red beans?

I also showed a moderate sensitivity to yeast (and pinto beans and cashews), and a mild sensitivity to a laundry list of other stuff, including gluten and dairy.

So I've eliminated sugar, yeast (from things like bread and wine), dairy, and gluten, along with the other odds and ends. At the end of the week, I'm not feeling particularly better or worse. But I'm hoping it's not a coincidence that the last several mornings, I've had the unusual and amazing experience of, well, waking up.

I woke up at 7 o'clock this morning. I didn't have to drag my ass out of bed. I felt snoozy, but in a pleasant way, not in a leaden, foggy way.

The vision, however, remains crazy.

* I would never have guessed that this is how you spell psychedelic. Thanks, spell-check.

Conversations with My Cat: More Dinner Please

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 03:14:00 +0000

Norma: Excuse me? Ahem, excuse me?

Me: Yes, I see you sitting there by your bowl. The answer is no.

Norma: I don't think you understand. The bowl is empty. There is no food in this bowl.

Me: Right. You ate it all.

Norma: And now I would like some more food please. Meow.

Me: I'm not giving you any more food tonight.

Norma: But, meow.

Me: Remember how I said I thought you were getting fat? And then my mom came over and said she thought you were getting fat? And then my brother and sister-in-law came over and said that you're getting fat?

Norma: That's irrelevant. The point is, I'm hungry.

Me: I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have been feeding you so much. But it's the New Year, and we're cutting back.

Norma: ... We?

Me: And by we, I mean you.

Norma: So, food?

Me: No more food tonight. Sorry, kitty. It's for your health. I wish you could understand.

Norma: Ok. Well, if I pee on your face while you're sleeping tonight, I hope you understand.

Conversations with My Cat, Norma

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 21:38:00 +0000

Me: Get out of here, cat. Can't you see I'm taking a bath? How about a little privacy?

Norma: Meow, I'm a cat.

Me: Don't give me that.

Norma: Look, I just want to hang out a little. Do I look like I even care that you're naked?

Me: Ok, but do you have to sit directly on the edge of the bathtub? I'm worried you're going to fall in.

Norma: I'm not going to fall in. I have exceptionally good balance.

Me: You fell off the windowsill earlier. I saw it.

Norma: [dips a paw in the bath water, shakes it off, then licks her paw]

Me: You know, you have a perfectly good bowl of water all your own in the other room.

Norma: I like this water.

Me: You're not secretly dreaming of eating me in a soup, are you?

Norma: [stares, then sticks her paw in the bath water again]

(Norma finally did actually fall into the bathtub today--fortunately for me, while it was still filling up and not with me in it. Her indignant shock was pretty hilarious.)

Untitled Poem

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 05:55:00 +0000

The only thing that is
just one thing
is everything.

We might as well talk about the lives of pears.
We might as well believe in money.

We might as well hold our loved ones tight
and tell them we'll never let go.

It's true enough.

Sometimes when the snow falls in late November,
it melts, and the grass is green again.

Sometimes when the cat gets out,
it doesn't come back.

Where does it go?

We might as well mourn the falling leaves.

We might as well sing in the shower.

Some songs that have made me cry lately

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 18:36:00 +0000

Dawes, A Little Bit of Everything

The Head and the Heart, Honey Come Home

Bon Iver, cover of I Can't Make You Love Me

Gillian Welch, Hard Times

Self-congratulations!

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 03:40:00 +0000

I got a promotion at work. Basically the main difference will be that now if I screw up and make a customer mad, it will cost several million dollars. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. But it's nice to be valued.

Government getting with the times: Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 17:58:00 +0000

If you haven't seen this, then you're missing out.

Letter to the Avocado I Ate for Breakfast This Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Wed, 11 May 2011 16:55:00 +0000

Dear Avocado:

You were delicious. I wanted to let you know, because you may have noticed my expression of skepticism when I picked you up at the grocery store last night.

I'll admit that I wasn't entirely certain about you. You looked good, sure, but I thought I could maybe detect a few blemishes under your tough exterior. I thought that underneath your skin, you were harboring some bad spots.

But I took you home, hoping that you were all you professed to be. And Avocado, you were all that and more.

Your flesh was smooth and creamy, just firm enough to offer a nice bite before melting away on my tongue. There were no bruised bits, no signs of decay or oxidization. You were a sweet, tasty green all the way through the heart of you.

Thank you, Avocado, for being such a delicious breakfast.

Last Saturday in April

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 30 Apr 2011 21:35:00 +0000

I went clothes shopping this afternoon. I kind of hate clothes shopping. Yeah, I know women are supposed to be all about shopping, but I'm not sure I actually know any of those women. I had a lucky streak today, though, and came home with a bunch of new shirts and things for summer, gleaned from the clearance racks.

I once heard a quote attributed to the Dalai Lama -- I think I got this from my mother -- but I can't find a version of it anywhere online. Even if it's apocryphal, I still like it: The Dalai Lama was visiting a new city, and was touring some local shops. When he admired things, people would offer to give them to him, but he always declined. Someone asked why, and he said, "I just like to see all the wonderful things that people have made."

It was raining and gray this morning. Now the sun is out, and it looks like my daffodils are just about ready to bloom.

Royal Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 16:22:00 +0000

I hadn't really kept up with all the fanfare regarding William & Kate's wedding, and didn't even realize it was today until a coworker asked yesterday if I planned to get up early to watch it. I didn't. But I did cave and watch the wedding highlights on the royal family's YouTube channel (which I think is a hilarious concept).

I skipped through most of it, but I did watch the whole ceremony and exchange of vows, which really wasn't all that long. It struck me as very sweet. Like just about every wedding I've ever been to (certainly all the good ones), it seemed like beneath all the ceremony, while keeping a straight face, the bride and groom were sharing a very good joke. I found it very endearing.

Music night

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 06:46:00 +0000

Just got back from seeing 4 on the Floor. One of the opening bands was The Boys n' the Barrels, who were awesome, and sometimes you worry when the opener is that good, you know? It's hard to top awesome. And then 4 on the Floor came on, and they were awesome. It was magical. Also very genre-mixing, since the opening band was bluegrass, and the main act was, I don't know, more in the classic rock tradition. The juxtaposition was just exactly right. So good.

Working hard or ... ?

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 00:24:00 +0000

I got stuck with a weekend shift this weekend, and it's very quiet, as foretold. In between calls I'm working on a new comic law song, a parody of Britney Spears's "Oops, I Did It Again" tentatively titled "I'm Not That Negligent." I've been reviewing the Restatement of the Law of Torts on negligence principles, contributory negligence, and assumption of risk. Riveting stuff, folks.

Friday night out

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 23 Apr 2011 06:45:00 +0000

Spent a delightful Friday evening with my elder bro and sis-in-law. We got dinner at Kikugawa, which was excellent, then made a quick pass through Kitchen Window so that they could pick up a new enameled cast-iron pot (I really have to get me one of those), and finally got dessert at Barbette. I wasn't wild about the chocolate-caramel roulade, but the lemon meringue tart was heavenly, and I loved the light fixtures.

I have to work this Saturday, which I'm not crazy about, but hey, them's the breaks. I'm wondering if this is going to be a particularly quiet weekend on the phones, since it's a holiday weekend, and Friday was already very quiet.

Sammiches

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 17:46:00 +0000

This week I've been on a sandwich kick at home. Sort of in tribute to the bahn mi, I'm making sort of a modified club sandwich, with ham and roast beef, spicy banana peppers, and cucumber. I should have picked up some cilantro to really nail it, but that's ok -- it never hurts to have something further to aspire to.

You may now address me as Reverend Esquire

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 14:45:00 +0000

I got ordained this week. Betcha didn't see that one coming, did you?

Some friends asked me to officiate their marriage this summer, so I requested ordination from the Universal Life Church. When I lived in Colorado, I was a pretty active member of the ULC online forums. I liked the idea of a church with no fixed doctrine except to do right. That pretty well describes my own beliefs in a nutshell.

Flowers!

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 15:18:00 +0000

One of the things I love about spring is the flowers showing up everywhere, including at the grocery store. I may have gotten slightly carried away, or maybe not:

Narcissus and tulips because they're lovely. Hyacinth because it smells like heaven. And some cut spray roses thrown in because they're orange and cheerful and cheap.

Update: Yes, cheerful.

Case of the Day

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 18:48:00 +0000

I was playing around in between calls and came across this gem:

One of Plaintiff's objections is that the Magistrate Judge did not advert to “outer space flying donkey flatulence affected outer space flying elephant causing elephant to crash into asteroid beyond planet Earth humanity awareness.” Plaintiff is completely correct: neither in the Report and Recommendations nor in any other conscious act as a judge has the Magistrate Judge ever adverted to donkey flatulence of any kind. Indeed “outer space flying donkey flatulence” is a concept which was, until the Exceptions were filed, well beyond my imagination.

Kirklewski v. Hamilton, 2008 WL 302357 (S.D. Ohio)

Creeps in sheep's clothing

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:53:00 +0000

A friend of mine pointed out this ridiculous controversy over a boy in a J. Crew getting his toenails painted pink. I don't really follow mainstream news these days, so I'm always taken aback when I come across this kind of thing.

The most unfortunate part, to me, is that anyone even deems this a "controversy." To me, this is a handful of sexuality-obsessed conservative creeps who, while entitled to speak their minds, are certainly not worth paying attention to. If you look at a picture of a happy boy with pink toenails, and it stirs all kinds of horrible thoughts, what does that say about you, i.e., the guy with the horrible thoughts?

Edit: My friend Dana posted a link to this great article from a Christian women's blog, "Why I Let My Son Wear Pink." A nice quote: "I can write off the people who are certain that a mother’s allowing her son to love pink and wear nail polish is a harbinger of doom, because I know it’s not. The problem is that we adults, of all ideological stripes, seem determined to sexualize our children from a very young age. Assuming that a 5-year-old boy wearing pink polish or a ballerina dress is a future transgendered adult is just as bad as buying young girls high heels, string bikinis, and sweatpants with words on the backside. In both cases, we impose adult sexual identity, behaviors, and motives on children who are nowhere near sexual maturity."

Sestina to a Manager-On-Call

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 06:06:00 +0000

You are in your pajamas, looking out the window, or not out
But at your reflection as you’re placating
A furious young person, a very serious
Professional person who should himself be asleep
Right now, but he’s furious, just furious,
Because where are the opinions of the state attorney general?

When the phone rang you were asleep,
But you snapped awake because you knew it would be serious,
Since almost no one calls at 3 a.m., and never for general
Questions, and if you let it ring again your wife will be furious
In the morning, although you know you’d be able to soothe her out
Of it, because you’re good at placating.

The young man doesn’t want to hear any bullshit about the general
Availability of public information. He’s out
Of time and just wants an answer—his boss will be furious
Unless this opinion is on his desk in the morning, and there’s no placating
The boss, nor this young man either. He’s dead serious,
And you look at the dog and envy the way he’s asleep.

You try to convince the young man that you’re taking him serious-
Ly, as you pour yourself two fingers of vodka – a general
Anesthetic, not enough to make you fall asleep
But just to take the edge off having to listen to this furious
Young person. You go on placating
Him without him knowing it, and out-

Side a wind whips up and rattles the trees like a furious
Tired little man with a stick, tired of placating
Everyone else, furious at the world in general,
Waving his stick so that people will know he’s serious.
As you listen, you think you might have just as well stayed asleep,
Or moved to Idaho, or maybe gone out

With that sweet redhead who always was placating
Someone over the office phone, before you got serious
With your wife, before you found out
It’s always the case, though the whole world’s asleep,
Somewhere or other, a fellow’s got some trouble in general
And he’s furious.

Status: Ready

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sat, 09 Apr 2011 01:19:00 +0000

I work in a call center for lawyers. It's a very interesting job, overall. But being on the phone all day, except for the times for when you're waiting to get back on the phone -- it's a bit strange.

In the average day, I talk to a handful of people from New York and California, a few from D.C., and an assortment of folks from other places -- say, Mississippi or Idaho or Hawaii or Canada or the U.K. It's a bit like having a daily World Tour of the Law. (Well, Tour of the Former British Empire, anyway.)

So far today, I've researched questions regarding the admissibility of administrative agency reports in a civil trial; whether a creditor committee may intervene in an adversary proceeding against a secured creditor; whether a court can grant a preliminary injunction where personal jurisdiction has not yet been established; and what is the framework for determining whether an insurer is making a good faith settlement offer. I've also helped people find materials and guided them through various product features, and I like those calls too.

My older brother said this must be a great job for me -- I have to be really smart for ten minutes at a time, and then I'm done. He's right. It's a good gig.

Lately: all the news that's fit to print

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 02:57:00 +0000

I think everyone who at all follows my ramblings here already knows this, but just in case: I moved, northwards. I started a new job. I broke up with the boyfriend and the neighborhood and the dog and the law practice. Now I'm living with a wall-to-wall leopard print carpet and spending a lot more time with my niece and nephew. And life is good.

Beautiful earth

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 04:26:00 +0000

I love clay and ceramics. Today, I am particularly loving this lady's work -- e.g. the lovely nesting bowls and various things with birds on them.

Something else that's beautiful? These embroidery patterns.

Also, totally unrelated: I heard "Bananaphone" by Raffi for the first time last weekend, and it's been in my head continuously since then. (You have been warned.) Coocoodoocoodoo.

Birthday treats

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 04:28:00 +0000

A very laid-back birthday this year. Above are a midafternoon raspberry-lemon muffin (with chocolate ganache!) and raspberry hazelnut scone from Madison Sourdough Company. (Also my glasses and left elbow.) Dinner at the Green Owl with some pals -- the bbq jackfruit sandwich is simply ripping.

It was also very delightful and unexpected to get a special delivery from the Australians -- a bonsai!

Very foggy today in Madison. Twilight gave the fog a pinkish cast that was very pretty and mysterious.

Two donuts

noreply@blogger.com (Bess) — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 04:29:00 +0000

There's a grocery store a block from my office that makes its own raised donuts every day. I try not to eat them every day, but they're always tempting me, calling to me in their siren donut voices. And usually when I cave, I cave big. I have a hard time choosing between chocolate-iced-with-sprinkles and chocolate-cinnamon. So I get both.

And then I eat both.

And then I feel like I just ate too many donuts.